I am Lonely and Desperate for Love!

by G.A.
(Sofia, Bulgaria)

Excuse me, I changed your title from "Confused!" to the title above. Here are your letters.

Hello! It's so much time I'm feeling bad about it and I can't answer myself why it's like that.

Well, I'm 19 years old, I will make 20 in a few months and I still haven't got a boyfriend. I've never had a relationship before and I'm feeling bad about it because I see that everyone around me has or has had in the past.

It's really painfully for me, because I feel it with all my soul that I need it. I mean I need it emotional. And I see people who are not something better than me, but they are happy with their partners.

I need a person who can care about me and at the same time to have a passion between us. I'm big enough, I'm not a silly teenage girl who doesn't understand herself.

I mean that I'm realistic - I'm normal girl, not ugly but not very beautiful, I'm not fat or something like that, but I'm not a girl who catches the eye.

I'm not stupid and I could talk with everyone I want - I'm sociable person. I care of my vision like all other friends - nice hair, a few makeup and cool clothes that I like.

I have friends who I can count on. In the university, I met many new people with who I can have really great fun and the party never stops.

But when there's a question about love or sex - I feel confused and even I lie that I have had a relationship before, because I'm ashamed that it's only me who was and is single all the time.

I avoid giving my opinion. I know it's bad but I don't know what to do. I'm embarrassed, what would they think about me if they knew I have never had a boyfriend before, I'm 20 years old after all, at my age some people get married. :D:D.

In the past I was close with some guys but we didn't get very far - just kissing, and I was drunk every time :D.

I don't like them, I was kissing them just for fun and because of the alcohol. After that I was thinking to have a relationship with them, but they're really not for me, I know this for sure.

I haven't very big requirements about the boy, but I know for sure I won't be happy to be with someone who I don't like very much. I want passion. I need to give and to receive love, to give all my heart to someone who deserves it.

I know what the boys want, I know I would be very good partner and I know how to make him happy if he wants me.

I feel bad when I listen the love stories of my friends, I give them my advices and I'm behind them all the time but I'm sad because I couldn't feel the same.

I need to be loved too, even I'm ready to feel that love pain, just to know that there is or was a magic between us.

I dream of this many times and that's why I don't stop believing that one day I would find someone for me. But there are times I feel desperate and so alone.

I ask myself, why after all I haven't met somebody. I'm sick of all that love songs and all the movies with happy endings.

I feel that I want to be a part of that magic - love, but my soul is like a bird in a cage - the bird has wings but she can't fly because of the cage. That's how I'm feeling.

Sometimes I think that may be love is not for me in my life. I liked before some boys, who didn't like me but I try not to get depressed of this fact.

I know they don't like me and I'm just not the girl for them and that's all, I understand it even it hurts. That's it.

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